What is Radical Self-Responsibility

accountability authority drama triangle healing impeccability integrity power power dynamics relationships right relationship victim Nov 28, 2022

 Radical Self Responsibility - what's that? What makes it radical? 



  1. Arising from or going to a root or source; basic.
  2. Departing markedly from the usual or customary; extreme or drastic.
  3. Relating to or advocating fundamental or revolutionary changes in current practices, conditions, or institutions.

Radial Self-Responsibility means you are deeply, EXTREMELY accountable for yourself to yourself - for your emotions, your reactions, your thoughts, your behaviors, your impact, your choices, your experience, everything & anything arising or emerging from you.

Radical Self-Responsibility is radical because it poses a threat to abusive power structures - in effect it neutralizes power imbalances, which makes it inherently revolutionary / radical. It is RADICAL because it gets to the root, the core foundational crux of the issue & helps you reclaim your power. It is radical, because it verges on being a little non-sensical because it is so extreme.

Self-responsibility doesn't mean you are letting "wrong-doers" off the hook even though it can feel that way - it just means your are putting your focus back into your realm of control. Sometimes radical self-responsibility gets confused with victim-blaming. But really, Radical Self-Responsibility isn't about blaming the victim or letting the perpetrator off the hook -- it is about reclaiming our power - that is it.

Because as long as we are focused on punishing our perpetrator or focusing on "justice" etc. we are giving our power away. It is a way of avoiding our own power & responsibility in the matter at hand. (Ex: "Oh, if only those oil executives would just stop poisoning the Amazon"... rather than "Oh, if only I was able to completely eradicate my dependency on dirty oil")...  One version makes the other the bad guy & puts the onus on them. Whereas, I could be starting my own local group to create alternatives to oil & gas, etc.) Sometimes we think we are taking responsibility already... like "Oh, I live off grid & don't use dirty energy so those oil executives are to blame..." But this is a sneaky trap.

It is giving your power away because it is contingent on the external - ie: someone else's actions, words, behaviors, their apology, etc... Which can often lend to this feeling of helplessness & exasperation - this deep profound sense of frustration maybe even anger, rage or despair.

BUT - we ALWAYS have a choice. The Beauty is we always have more responsibility we can claim. We ALWAYS have more power we can claim. And that power lives in our own relationship to ourselves & the circumstance. And in this process, we get to come to know ourselves as powerful, rather than feel validated in our victimhood & off the hook to be fully accountable for the change we want to experience in our reality.

So, it is about noticing anytime we feel disempowered, cheated, resentful, oppressed, devalued, abused, etc. and asking ourselves how did I create this experience for myself? How else, what else can I take responsibility for this scenario? Where else can I reclaim my power?

Now, I can feel your inner alarm bell going off right now. 🚨 Victim-blaming Alert 🚨 but, its not. Here's why. Victim-blaming is about gaslighting the act of wrong-doing or perpetration. It is about abdicating guilt or responsibility from the person who has transgressed - that is not what we are doing here. Those oil executives are still transgressing - that hasn't changed. We are just choosing to shift our relationship to what is happening. 

It is not our job to be hall-monitors for the world, while we leave our own inner corridors unattended & spiritually messy. Focusing on policing, controlling or shaming other people for their actions, is a misuse of our energy & a way of avoiding our own inner work. 

You taking responsibility for your actions, your thoughts, your experience, etc. has NOTHING to do with "the wrongness" of their actions or behaviors - nothing. It doesn't make them "less wrong" ... it just gives you a position of power in your own life & circumstance. It actually takes their power away as the perpetrator in your life - and when somebody has "wronged" you it usually feels really good to neutralize their power over your experience. This helps the victim - rather than harms them. 

But this requires a bit of analysis around who the "victim" is in the first place. Renowned psychiatrist, Stephen Karpman introduced a phenomenon called The Drama-Triangle to human awareness. I recommend reading this article - but what is important to know about the Drama Triangle is basically that there are 3 faces of the victim because victimization is inherently a relational dynamic. There is always a Victim, a Perpetrator & a Rescuer. And the ridiculous part of it, is that ALL beings engaged in this Drama Triangle - which occurs anytime there is victimization - become victims. It is through this struggle for power in the Drama Triangle that the wheel turns and all parties become victims. And we think that the power comes externally, from taking our perpetrator down - but it really comes from within.

And guess what?! The way to break free from this nasty merry-go-round of blame, shame, frustration & disempowerment is to take RADICAL self-responsibility. And the chances are, you won't want to. And that's the work. 

The problem is that giving our power away to oppressors, perpetrators & rescuers, can be ADDICTING. Because it means we don't have to change, we don't have to do better. It is much easier to critique others than to put our money where our mouth is, and be the change we want to see in the world... In a way, it is a maneuver to avoid rising in our spiritual maturity - it is like our inner child throwing a tantrum, rather than a sovereign, self-aware & self-regulated adult responding with Love from their power center.  I call it "fighting for our smallness" rather standing in our Power. And there isn't any benefit to anyone when we fight for our smallness. 

Because the Truth is we are divine creator-beings tapped into God-Source Consciousness. Our every thought has an impact on the manifest world. And when we choose to instead put our energy & focus toward being accountable & cultivating our own spiritual impeccability rather than focusing on what is wrong externally, a weird sort of magick happens where our reality begins to morph into greater coherence, greater peace, greater wellness - just through the reclamation of & attention to our own inner environment. As we change, the world changes around us & our relationships inherently change. This is perhaps the most subtle but the most profound form of activism we can practice. 

If this feels confusing, I recommend again that you research the Drama Triangle, and ask yourself how this shows up in your life. Ask yourself, where am I giving my power away? Where am I utterly attached to my experience of "injustice"... what parts of my identity are attached to being the victim? where am I holding resentment & self-righteousness toward my perpetrators? Where am I abdicated my own self-responsibility?

Anywhere you are feeling a loss of power, is a place where you can reclaim power, & Radical Self-Responsibility is how you do it.

Try it out.

See what happens.

With Love,